I've changed and so have my views

Why I'm letting go of certain Slavic beliefs that I was raised with

I feel like the last year for me has been a journey of settling into the woman I am becoming, which includes letting go of what I've outgrown and admitting my views on many topics have changed.

I don't know why, but it's hard for me to admit that I've changed. But the reality is, I'm no longer a single woman in her twenties.

In the last four years, I entered my thirties, got married, became a mom twice over, moved states, changed jobs, changed churches twice, etc. Not only has my life changed, but I've changed and grown - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

It's trendy to talk about “deconstructing” right now, but in my opinion, that's not what this is.

Because my beliefs haven't changed, nor am I questioning what is true and what is not.

Instead, it's more about owning my beliefs fully and transparently. It's letting go of former things to fully walk in the freedom Christ has given me.

It is embracing the woman I am becoming and going all in on the dreams God has put on my heart; the dreams I hid and the views I downplayed because they didn't fit in with what my Slavic community values and expects.

Part of this includes letting go of religious, works-based rules and traditions I've tried to live by out of respect to my parents and Slavic church elders and instead focusing on loving God and others well, and being a faithful steward of what God has entrusted to me.

“Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”

Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

-Matthew 22:36-40

I know this is so fundamental, but when you get too caught up in the weeds, the best way to gain clarity is to zoom out and go back to the basics.

For context, I grew up in conservative, Slavic churches where in the last few decades, as our grandparents and parents tried to cling to their traditions and beliefs as immigrants in the U.S. in order to not “lose” their kids and grandkids to the world, we've ended up with a lot of legalism and man-made traditions in our doctrine.

Getting married and no longer attending a traditional Slavic church for the last four years were a catalyst for me to be able to live out my beliefs more truly and openly.

For example, if you've known me for years, you've probably noticed that I wear jeans more often than I did before I got married.

This may only make sense to others in conservative communities, but I finally feel comfortable doing this because telling my dad “My husband is okay with me wearing pants and I am now under his authority” carries weight with my dad (my parents believe Christian women should only wear skirts and dresses).

It's old-fashioned, but I respect my parents greatly, and other than a few rebellious phases as a teenager, I've mostly tried to stay under their authority and guidance, even where our beliefs didn't align 100%.

I don't view that as hypocritical because the Bible tells us to respect the authority God places over us and to obey our parents (unless it leads us to sin). Until I got married, I was under my parents' authority and although some of their beliefs are more conservative than mine, they are not sinful beliefs.

But, it's not just about religious beliefs. It's bigger than that.

lauramdoug

A post shared by @lauramdoug

I told my husband the other day that I feel like my most authentic self right now. It feels like a settling of who I was always meant to be.

I don't know how to fully explain it, but it's like I finally feel safe and confident enough to fully let myself be seen and known as my “true self.”

Part of it is becoming older, but a bigger part of it is my husband.

Since we met, he has allowed me to show up fully as myself. He has guarded our family from outside influences, including our extended families, making a safe space for us to become our own family unit and leading us to develop a strong family vision.

He encourages me to pursue my dreams, no matter how big they are. Growing up, my siblings, parents and friends didn't seem to fully "get" me and my ambitions. They were supportive, but I think at times I puzzled them with how big and different my dreams and interests were.

When people question your dreams often enough, you start to guard your dreams more and share less.

Then I met Daniel.

Four years in, and I continue to be in awe of his genuine support and how much effort and prayer he has poured into me and my goals. He is not intimidated by me.

No dream is impossible in his eyes and he always finds a way to make things work. He is incredibly wise and knowledgeable. He's really good at making me think and look at things differently. We can talk about anything and everything.

I think God knew that I needed a husband like this to fully become the woman He created me to be.

This wasn't intended to be a fan letter about how awesome my husband is, but he truly deserves so much credit for creating a safe space for me to be able to let my guard down and encouraging me to embrace the woman I want to become.

Both Daniel and I have always felt like the odd ones out, but Daniel is much better at owning his uniqueness and boldly pursuing his God-given dreams and assignments, even if it means being an outsider or going at it alone.

By marrying him, I have gained the freedom and confidence to do the same, even if many people don't “get” us or want what we want out of life.

I've spent way too many years teetering on a balance beam: on one side are the big dreams and beliefs God put on my heart and in my mind; and on the other are conservative, religious, Slavic views on what a “good Christian” woman should look like and be.

Suffice to say, those two sides don't align on many things, but especially for women (e.g., clothing, education, work, ministry, etc…).

For so long, I've tried to please both sides, but like the Bible says, you can't serve two masters. And that has handicapped my personal growth, ministry and work.

Honestly, I’ve allowed a lot of people to live rent free in my mind by filtering what I say and do through a lense of “What will people think?”

I’ve given random people power over my life by trying to please everyone and fit in with all the competing voices telling me who I should be and what I should do.

Now, this doesn't mean I'm letting go of all my Slavic beliefs or “hating on” Slavic churches.

Based on my personal Bible study and spiritual growth, I continue to align theologically with some Slavic teachings.

In fact, I hope to pass on many Slavic beliefs and traditions to our children, because the living faith that was in their great-grandparents and grandparents is part of their legacy.

Instead, this is more about embracing the good, sound doctrine and gracefully letting go of the “extras” that don't align with Scripture (I'd categorize these as views and beliefs that are more tradition than theology).

As His disciple and by offering myself as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1), my beliefs, mindsets, desires and dreams should absolutely shift with time and under the Holy Spirit's influence.

There should be evidence of change and growth in me and my life. I should not be the same woman I was a year ago, and certainly not 10 years ago.

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.

For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. -2 Peter 1:5-8

So, this is a long-winded way of putting into context why over the next few weeks I'll be opening up more about how my views are shifting and settling to align with the woman I am becoming and the beliefs I’ve established through years of Bible study and prayer.

I've already talked about how my views on modesty have evolved and why I'm re-evaluating my personal style.

Up next, I have a two part series on how my views on marriage have shifted - I'm a bit nervous to talk about this, but it's been on my mind lately and if there is even one woman out there who feels like she doesn't fit into the traditional religious marriage framework of complementarism, I hope my testimony is an encouragement.

More to come soon!

Until next time,

YPS